When You Feel Disappointed By God

I remember the night well. It was a cool, summer's night before I went into sixth grade. My camp counselor and I sat facing each other on wooden benches under a clear, starry sky. I looked at her and said, "I want God to do whatever He wants with my life". I was sure. This was what I was made for. I was made to do the will of God. So we prayed, and that choice was forever embedded in my heart.

Since then I have often thought of that night. I remember it as a moment when I collided with God, when the Holy Spirit lead me to the place I was supposed to be. Surrendered. Reliant. Trusting. It brings me to tears as I put myself back into that place.

I can tell you, though, that I have struggled with remaining in that place of surrender. I have doubted God. I have questioned whether or not He really wanted to use me. I have both felt like a disappointment to God, and disappointed by God. My heart has ached from loss of innocence, loss of my children, loss of direction, loss of dreams. I have felt so dang mad and sick about all of the bad things that go on in the world. 

I think many people find themselves in a similar situation. Believers, and non-believers find themselves in the midst of the question, "did God really say I can trust Him?" And if you really do trust Him will He ruin your life, and leave you to try to pick up the pieces? I'm sure there are many other related questions, and many other circumstances, issues etc. But I choose not to go into that right now. 

Instead I just want to say that God does loves us and that through every circumstance He remains good, no matter how bad it gets or how far away He seems.

I watched this video this morning, and I was reminded that God didn't put dreams in my heart to not have them fulfilled. He wants me to be successful. God is a real Father, and He loves me unconditionally. He doesn't want to see me crumble under the pressures of this life.

I just need to let go, surrender to God, and seek closer intimacy with the Living God. In the end, the condition of my heart will change, and I will be able to impact the world around me the way God intended. I will impact it greatly, beautifully, and in a way that blesses the heart of God, and those around me. God will be free to move in me and through me. And in it all I will be safely in the palm of His hand. I will be surrounded by His presence.

I invite you to watch this video, and leave me a comment about what God is doing in your life right now. Also, remember the words of Deuteronomy 31:8:

^"And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed."

       
    Love,  

More Than Skin: The Start of a Soul Search

I like Facebook, Instagram, and blogs A LOT. I spend a ton of time scanning through feeds to see what other people are doing and saying. Most of the time, however, I have to admit I spend more time wondering about how I can promote my own material rather then enjoying other people's posts. 

Even though I wish it weren't true I have this nagging voice inside my head that continually asks why my posts don't get noticed as much as some other people's do. And with my day job as a marketer I am constantly immersed in articles, eBooks, and videos about creating buzz, getting people to share content, and the best tips for social engagement. I probably think about popularity more than anything else during my day, but I don't think I am the only one who struggles with this.

In fact, I think it's a timeless struggle that all people face, especially women. We want to be seen and appreciated, loved and adored. I see it at the mall, in advertisements, on the movie screen. In fact I see it in almost every woman I know. Some show it more than others, but there is an apparent need for every woman to feel important, wanted, beautiful, and unique. 

I don't yet have answers on this topic, but I want to be able to start having open conversations with women about their own stories, and the real issues they face everyday. I want to search out and share the hard stuff. I want to go deep, because I truly believe there is both freedom and beauty in finding answers and understanding our souls. 

What's your story?

Leave me a comment, send me an email, hit me up on Facebook, let's even grab a cup of coffee... I want to be open and give people a place to be themselves. Let's search our souls together. Let's do life together. 

With love, 

When The River Waits For Me

"When peace like a river attendeth my way. When sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say. It is well, it is well with my soul"

-Horatio G. Spafford 

There are those times in life when every turn seems to reveal more trouble. One more sleepless night, another bill, more demands, and not enough strength. Sometimes I find for myself that even those things that were once exciting now feel like burdens. Today is one of those days. 

It's hard to admit when we're down. Sometimes it's even harder when we try to pick ourselves up. We push through thinking that this is just what life is like. We start surviving rather than living. Our joy is low, maybe even non existent, and we just want to crawl back in bed. I struggle to think that this is the life God wants for me. Could a loving God desire for me to be strung out, overwhelmed, and distraught? 

When Jesus walked the earth He had such beautiful encounters with so many individuals. I think about John 4 in particular when He met the Samaritan woman at the well. He chose to go through Samaria where no other Jew wanted to go to meet a mixed up, broken woman, plagued with unhealthy relationships, questioning the things of God, waiting for some help no doubt. At this place of redemption He didn't speak directly to her lifestyle, but to the deepest need of her soul, new life. She needed an overhaul, a makeover, a time to bath her wounds in the river. 

She needed living water. 

She needed Jesus. 

"But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again - ever! In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up within him for eternal life"(John 4:14). Jesus didn't come to her to tell her how awful she was, but to show her His love, the kind of love that forgives freely, restores the lost, and heals the brokenhearted. The kind of love that brings eternal life, and takes away the fear of death. 

Jesus didn't just help the woman, but stayed to help her whole town. Just the same the story wasn't just written to record her experience, but to speak to mine, and to yours. We are the extension of the work He did there with her. We now stand in the wake of a river waiting to wash over us. 

God knows those days when things are too hard for us. He knows when the alarm clock goes off too early, work doesn't make sense, and we can't figure out what to do next. He knows when we cry, when we're scared about moving, when we lose a loved one, when our health isn't what it should be. He knows and He's waiting to bring us His peace, "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). Too often when Jesus is waiting for me I turn away and try to survive the storms on my own. 

This isn't what Jesus wants for me. 

He wants me to be full of joy, peace, and love. Where there is death He wants to see new life. In place of sorrow He wants to see my smile. The God of the Universe wants to see my heart be overwhelmed, but not with burdens and sadness. He wants to see my heart be overwhelmed with the love and life He brings. 

On days like today when I am my own kind of Samaritan woman, and I need that touch from Jesus I am so glad to know that He is right there waiting.

Jesus waits for me. He waits for you too.

Dressing Your Toes: Women's Hiking Shoes

Hi everyone!

Some of you may have been wondering where I've been the last several weeks (or has it been months), but that is for a whole different post. I promise to let you know, and sprinkle you with all of the details later, but as of right now I have shoes on the mind. 

Why shoes, and why now? Spring is upon us, and that means the start of a great outdoors season. The trees are starting to bud, and the trails are drying up around here which means lots of feet that need covering. Plus, summer is just around the corner, and for those of us who love the outdoors that means camping. So, I have started my hunt for outdoor gear and being a woman that requires a good shoe. 

I have yet to buy myself a pair, but here are some that I have found online that I wouldn't mind finding in a store and trying on, which I might add is a must before purchasing any outdoor shoe. 

 

Ahnu Women's Hiking Shoe

This shoe by Ahnu is the first one that caught my eye while searching REI's women's footwear page which is a great place to start if you are looking online for possibilities. It got my attention because it is feminine and comes in multiple colors while still being supportive and waterproof. Plus, at $140.00 they are higher end, but not extremely expensive for their quality. 

Looking for something a little more traditional? Try the Newton Ridge Plus from Columbia. Similar to the Ahnu option they are waterproof and supportive, but have the extra of being stain resistant. Plus they can be found for $90. 

I also really love these New Balance Trail 810v3's for hiking, but also because I like versatility. Currently, my hiking shoes are also my walking and workout shoes. These could do the same thing, and they're cute!

You can find some other really good options online. Some options like these Nevados I found on places like Amazon and Ebay which are great if you need to keep it cheap. 

Hopefully this inspired the inner hiker in some of you. I'd like to know what you all hike in. Do you hike in your Vans? Sandals? Let me know! 

Keep It Wild Ya'll!!

The Best Words

 

 

 

 

Quick thought...

So I'm sitting here alone listening to Bethel Music's "Without Words" album (go check it out if you haven't ever heard it), just looking at pictures on my wall of adventures I've taken in the past that mean something to me, and out of no where it seems I hear God say "I know where you are free". At first I didn't know what to think of it. But then I realized, I have a heart that wants to roam free. I want to go places, and see things. I want a cool breeze to brush my face as I drive down an open highway. But where am I right now? I'm at my apartment just sitting here wanting to jump into all of those pictures. That forest, those mountains, that rain drenched highway...I want to be there, but I'm not. 

In a moment like this where my heart is longing for something I can't have just yet it is good to know that God understands. He gets me! And what I feel more than anything is that He wants me to be there, and He wants to be with me. All of my longings don't go unnoticed, they are heard by a God who sometimes seems so far away, but who in reality is right here with me. What is most important is that while God knows how free I feel when I'm out there adventuring He knows that I can be free wherever I am. In Him I am truly free.

 

I'm not sure if this will resonate with anyone, but I can't help but tell what's on my mind. And in doing so I'd like to share the prayer I just prayed, and maybe it can be your prayer too.

"Jesus, You are truly my best friend, my Lord. What would I do without you? There are so many mountains for us to climb, so many views for us to take in. God, help me walk closer to you, because in you is the meaning of my life. In you my soul can roam, and find its purpose. Lord, you truly know where I am free."

I love all of you! Have a beautiful weekend!

      

   XoXo  

Finding My Own Wild

 I take a lot of walks. 

On these walks I always find a renewed sense of focus, and peace of mind. I think the fresh air is a factor, but a simple breaking away from things like Netflix, Facebook, and Instagram is what makes my walks what they are. For years I heard professors talk about how technology is so bittersweet, but it hasn't been until recently that I have really understood the negative effects it has had on me. 

Growing up I would say that I was always very active. My sister inspired me to be heavily involved in dance and my brother encouraged me on the soccer field. Plus, there was always the occasional long bike ride on some mountain trail, or a hike around the lake. We went camping just about every summer, and every once in a while I would join my mom in her at home fitness routine. I can't say we never watched TV or movies, but the internet wasn't big back then and I didn't play video games so I wasn't staring at a screen for most of my day. 

In junior high my family started upgrading our desktop computer and bought a separate laptop. Later, in high school we bought a second laptop, and by the time I went out of state for college I had my very own. For my wedding some friends bought us a flat screen and a Roku, and recently I bought my first smart phone. I am surrounded by more technology now then I ever have been, and have Google and Youtube at my fingertips any time of the day, but I can't say that I feel so happy about how much time I have spent pushing buttons. 

The only person to blame for the way I have handled technology is me. Instead of listening when my older generation teachers told me about how they were seeing technology negatively affect their young students I decided to just keep pushing plastic. After all, I'm modern and progressive right? That sounds nice to say, but what I am finding to be true in my life is that sometimes those old, tried and true ways are really the best. So instead of pushing "Search" for most of my day I have decided to be more moderate in my technology use and lace up my shoes get outside. Right now I mostly just walk or hike, but this simple act of getting outdoors has really helped me clear my head, and reduce stress. 

My hope is to become more and more active after so many years  of being more or less sedentary. There is a beautiful world out there that God created and is ready to be explored. Something I have begun to do when I am using some type of technology is to inspire myself, or learn something new. For example my Instagram feed, beyond posts by my friends, is full of posts by those who share my love for the outdoors, and my Youtube searches are almost all fitness oriented. 

I know I can't be the only one who has this love hate relationship with the devices they own. They can be amazing tools, but I know there are people out there who are seeing the need to be more active. So my encouragement is to just step outside once in a while, and be okay with starting slow if you are like me and have a little more breaking away to do. Being an outdoor enthusiast isn't for everyone, and that is okay. Just walk. And then maybe walk a little more. After all, walking is what has taken so many people across countries and on top of majestic mountains. We can do so many things with just moving our two feet. Love you guys!

Stay Wild

xoxo

Always Faithfull

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One year ago today I married the man of my dreams. He is more than I could have ever asked for, and I am proud to be his wife. I am proud to have his last name, and proud to wear the ring that symbolizes faithfulness, lasting love, and unity. I would not trade him for any other. 

A friend asked me the other day about a few things I have learned in my first year of marriage. While I could make a list, and give you all of the details  I have decided to keep this post a little more simple, and do the details later. After all I have some celebrating to do!


Here is my thought, and then I'll leave you to enjoy the video made from our wedding (thanks Cale). Marriage is beautiful, exciting, and worth the commitment. I am happy that I signed the covenant marriage license, that we don't just live together, and that we have a whole future without fear of the other one leaving. I am glad that it takes effort, and pushes me to grow up. I am glad that I have someone who will stick by my side through thick and thin. Even though I have to lay down my pride, and give up on selfishness I am able to take part in the greatest part of love: laying my life down for another.

I love you Steven! May we have many more years full of life giving, world changing, story making marriage.



   

Always Stay Faithful

xoxo

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