When You Feel Disappointed By God

I remember the night well. It was a cool, summer's night before I went into sixth grade. My camp counselor and I sat facing each other on wooden benches under a clear, starry sky. I looked at her and said, "I want God to do whatever He wants with my life". I was sure. This was what I was made for. I was made to do the will of God. So we prayed, and that choice was forever embedded in my heart.

Since then I have often thought of that night. I remember it as a moment when I collided with God, when the Holy Spirit lead me to the place I was supposed to be. Surrendered. Reliant. Trusting. It brings me to tears as I put myself back into that place.

I can tell you, though, that I have struggled with remaining in that place of surrender. I have doubted God. I have questioned whether or not He really wanted to use me. I have both felt like a disappointment to God, and disappointed by God. My heart has ached from loss of innocence, loss of my children, loss of direction, loss of dreams. I have felt so dang mad and sick about all of the bad things that go on in the world. 

I think many people find themselves in a similar situation. Believers, and non-believers find themselves in the midst of the question, "did God really say I can trust Him?" And if you really do trust Him will He ruin your life, and leave you to try to pick up the pieces? I'm sure there are many other related questions, and many other circumstances, issues etc. But I choose not to go into that right now. 

Instead I just want to say that God does loves us and that through every circumstance He remains good, no matter how bad it gets or how far away He seems.

I watched this video this morning, and I was reminded that God didn't put dreams in my heart to not have them fulfilled. He wants me to be successful. God is a real Father, and He loves me unconditionally. He doesn't want to see me crumble under the pressures of this life.

I just need to let go, surrender to God, and seek closer intimacy with the Living God. In the end, the condition of my heart will change, and I will be able to impact the world around me the way God intended. I will impact it greatly, beautifully, and in a way that blesses the heart of God, and those around me. God will be free to move in me and through me. And in it all I will be safely in the palm of His hand. I will be surrounded by His presence.

I invite you to watch this video, and leave me a comment about what God is doing in your life right now. Also, remember the words of Deuteronomy 31:8:

^"And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed."

       
    Love,